It's Going Well

I realize that mostly anything I like or dislike about my looks often starts with my weight. If I am at my ideal weight and I have a bad hair day, it's just not that bad. But if I have a bad hair day when I'm chubbed-out, it ruins my day - I feel incredibly ugly. I also realize that my taste is completely different from what I'm usually able to actually wear. I often walk out of a store with a purchase that better suits my figure rather than one that I actually like. For this same reason, it's impossible for me to shop at thrift stores - I have to have a very specific cut of clothes or it just doesn't work. But my personality is much more bohemian and airy, and I am a thriftaholic, so it's not much fun when my body limits my clothes options. I also tend to wear more make-up when I'm overweight. When I'm thinnner, I prefer the natural look, and I can just dab on some lip stuff and feel great. But when I'm chubby, I feel like I have to bring out my eyes and my lips to distract from the rest.

Today I went to get my haircut after not having it cut since...October! Many things play into why I went so long, but the neglect is actually besides the point. What I have been discovering since I was pregnant is that my hair is growing out straight - something I always wanted but now I don't. It's so flat and the body of my hair has always shaped my very round face. The flat straight hair just makes me look chubbier! So the stylist did what she could to show me that there are many tricks to making straight hair full-looking, but she failed to convince me. I looked totally lame when I left there, not to mention the fact that she used three things I don't use (some I don't even own): a hair dryer, a curling iron and hair spray. The other sad thing is that I've been growing it out for literally years (slow growing hair), and she had to take most of it off because it was so "tired". Short flat hair...at least it could have been long and flat, but now it's SHORT and flat.

Now I feel like the pressure is really on. While slow and steady still wins the race with weight, I feel like I'm racing my hair to grow out, needing to be thinner before it's grows more flat with each passing day! What could be more ridiculous, you say? I admit, not much. But such is the obsession/anxiety of being unhappy with my weight - it affects everything.

Sadly I am finding that I don't always have "free" time (free hands, really) everyday to enter in my journal, but I want to do it daily, so I'll work on it.

Today:
Decaf coffee with rice milk
1 hardboiled egg
Handful of grapes
1 can of tuna with mayo added (I was heading for salad when I found a worm...)
Half a serving of salt & vinegar potato chips
Salad with grilled zucchini and portabelo
Half of a chocolate rose truffle (hubbie bought them for me...my favorite)
Lots of water and decaf iced tea

Also, I didn't get my full 30-45 minute walk in today, but I did walk in 2-15 minute stretches to a friend's house and back in 100 degree weather with a baby strapped to me, so I think that burned a few calories. Last night I walked for over 45 minutes - it was heaven!