Starting Off

I hope this doesn't become a project that I never finish, because not finishing will have larger consequences for me this time...

I've created this blog to help myself lose this baby weight! While I do not think it's interesting to anyone except for maybe other postpartum moms in the same position, I need a place to keep a food journal. And I need a place where I can be accountable for what I'm eating. What better motivation than to tell the world that I was either good or bad today? The world doesn't really care what I eat, but there's something about putting it in black and white that, I hope, will make me care.

My goal is to get back into the clothes I used to wear. I realize my body shape is different from the bones having spread from birth. I'll accept that when I can tell that's the case. But for now, the goal is to at least be able to see that I would have been able to put the old jeans on if my bones weren't bigger now...get my drift? I never weighed myself before and I don't want to start obsessing over that now because I believe that women's weight fluctuates a lot with menstruation, water-weight gain, etc., and I don't have energy to worry about pounds. But I have always been able to go by my clothes size. I'm happy when I'm a 6-8. While I don't know for sure, I think I'm probably a 10-12 right now (I'm wearing dresses, so who knows). I want to be able to try on my board shorts every week or two and determine if I'm making progress or not. Seriously, that's a good enough measurement for me right now. I just care about how I look, not what I weigh.

Yes, I'm breastfeeding, and they say that helps take off the weight faster, but seriously folks...I haven't seen jack from just breastfeeding - especially not the way I've been eating. And yes, it took me nine months to put it on, so I'm not expecting a miracle - just slow and healthy sustainable weight loss.

Background:
During pregnancy, I developed the habit of eating whatever I wanted when I was struggling with morning sickness. My mother also died unexpectedly when I was 14 weeks pregnant, so not only was I eating out of depression, but I was also eating a lot of fast food as we drove back and forth to her house in Houston, and then to her grave in Hico. Much of the baby weight was gained very early on (often typical), along with the general weight of the actual baby. Then after she was born, people generously signed up on our CareCalendar to bring food for a couple of weeks, so it was heavy rice and pasta dishes and casseroles for every meal.

Once our baby was about six weeks old, we were back to cooking and I was ready to start getting more serious. I started cutting out the sandwiches for lunch everyday, and the all-too-often burger for dinner (the organic burger stand here is way toooo good). I also quit with the banana bread breakfasts, or whatever other cake/bread-like thing that was around. And it was also out with the crackers in the middle of the night while I was up nursing. Oh, and I also cut out the dessert that I was having EVERY night. Once upon a time, our baby let us watch movies at night while she slept in our arms, and we'd enjoy M&M's, or cupcakes or whatever after dinner. No good...

I should also mention that I was in great shape before I got pregnant and I ate very well. Maybe not so much right before I got pregnant because I was buying a house and moving, but the many months and years before that. I've generally never worked out less than five times per week, and 98% of my groceries came from the farmers market. While I still shopped at the farmers market every single week while pregnant, I was eating and making a lot of heavy comfort foods (especially in the winter). I am no stranger to weight gain. For whatever reason, I gain weight incredibly easily. I'm very familiar with what it takes to get it off (essentially exercise and a low bread/carb diet), but I'm very out of practice. My willpower got lost somewhere back in October of '08.

What I'm Doing Now:
Now I'm eating hard boiled eggs for breakfast every morning, salads for lunch and a generally healthy home-cooked dinner (salmon, green beans and cous cous...stuff like that). I'm limiting myself to two desserts per week (usually on the weekends), but I have dark chocolate whenever I want (it's super dark - 85% - with hardly any sugar in it). My baby girl doesn't let me walk with her outside for very long - she just starts screaming after about 10 minutes, no matter if she's in a sling, a stroller, whatever. So I've started to arrange time for me to walk while the hubster watches her for at least half an hour, five times per week. This has only happened a few times but I'm working on it.

While the above is not much of a plan, it is at least in the direction of change.

Below is a crack at my first food journal entry (it will be super loose, as I can barely remember my own name sometimes these days...). Oh, and I should also mention that I am not eating how I would usually eat when watching my weight because I'm breastfeeding. My baby is showing some signs of food allergies, so I am avoiding things I usually love like cheese, yogurt (all dairy), walnuts (all nuts), soy, etc.

For inspiration, I may also periodically post some pics of me at the weight to which I am trying to return (hence the picture at the top of my blog)...

Yesterday:
Decaf coffee with rice milk
2 hardboiled eggs
Caesar salad with tuna (a whole can with mayo added)
1 apple
2 squares of dark chocolate
Food from Whole Foods: a few small falafel patties on a bed of salad with some blueberries and a small piece of watermelon

Today (so far):
Decaf coffee with rice milk
1 hardboiled egg
The leftover Whole Foods food (falafel and salad)
Handful of green grapes


Good luck to anyone who is joining me on a similar journey! I would love to hear from you if you are!